Tired......

I'm really tired tonight and feel worked over by that sweet little girl.  Let's see, she managed to empty the bottom shelf on the built in bookcase behind my desk, handing me each item one by one despite being told "no no, leave it alone".  So I started telling her what it was she was handing me, figuring it was better to put it on my desk than have her destroy it.  After a few minutes everything she hands me she says in her broken speech "Girl Scouts, Girl Scouts" as most of what she was handing me was Girl Scout supplies and paperwork.  She's a little booger, later the guys brought the mail in and laid it on the end table as usual and she snatched up the mortgage bill and ran from me laughing hysterically as I tried to get it from her before she tore it up.    I'll admit, I gave her a baby timeout for a few minutes when she moved to the second shelf trying to clear it, I put her in the pack-n-play for about 15 minutes and gave her a few toys in there to redirect her.  My desk is so over piled now I can't find a thing.  In fact I have a dues payment check from a Girl Scout parent that is buried somewhere here, I need to find that soon.....


I realized something today....... When my daughter now 8 was her age, she was a much more cautious child, being keenly aware of wether I approved of her actions or not.  We had this eye contact communication that just doesn't exist with a child that just came into your care at 19 months old.  I remember when she was that age, she was such an easy baby, before she did anything she'd look at me and read my face and know instinctively if she should proceed or not.  Obviously I can't expect this with a child I just met, but I wonder if she has or ever had it with her birth mother.  She looked at me a few times today like she was looking for that approval or scorning, and went about doing something that wasn't what I preferred, like smacking the puppy. Was she reading me???  Does she care if she pleases me???  Does she think the only way to get attention is to read me and then do the opposite???   Its all very interesting getting to know her and trying to figure her out as I'm sure she is doing with us.  But she is a sweet-heart despite it all and has a beautiful smile, is full of laughter and gives the best baby hugs..................